Tuesday, June 5, 2012

The Waiting Game

I dislike waiting... Especially when I know what I want.  I'm working on accepting that instant gratification is not always the most "profitable" in life...but that doesn't really make waiting easier.

I found a house I am trying to buy but I won't know anything until the later part of the month.  That is so frustrating because living in limbo when you have two kids is tainted with a heavy dose of fear.  I really need to find a house before school starts so they don't have to change schools mid-year.  I'm also competing with people who buy and flip houses for a living and I'm just a regular mom with a regular job who wants a place to call home.

I found a guy I want to spend the rest of my life with...but it's a process.  Nobody wants to think about divorce.  I sure didn't.  What he's going through is not my fault...but people still look at me like it is.  His choice to get a divorce was heavily weighed and his child was taken into account but, people still think I had something to do with it.  I'm not that girl.  I didn't wreck his family.  It was already wrecked.  I came in after the fact and we were both taken by surprise at how we connected after all these years.  Unfortunately, the timing is a bit off... People very readily say, "You should wait to get into a relationship until after he's divorced."  Right.  Because, when two consenting adults feel like they fell into the most exactly right thing ever, waiting for a signed piece of paper is exactly what they want to do.  Yep...that's super easy.

Soul mates - do they exist?

I believe....after all that I've been through in the past few months...that they do.  I've been in lots of different relationships.  Some of them healthier than others...some of them clearly unhealthy...some of them just random and quirky.  None like this.  He and I weren't even like this 17 years ago when we were together.  This is something different...something I don't have words for.  Anyone who has read this blog knows I don't have issues with finding words to explain things.  I'm at a loss here.  I can't explain how I know...I just know.  He's it.  He's my "one".  There isn't a way for this to be more right or more of an exact match.

"Designed" is the best word I can think of.  We bring out the best in each other and temper the worst.  Isn't that what it's about?  Balancing out strengths and weaknesses to draw out the people we've always had the potential to be....

Someone said the other day - "If you're truly meant to be together, it won't matter when... Today, three months from now...or six... Even a year from now... If you two are right and your love is that strong and that true then you have the luxury of taking the time to do it the right way.  No sense in rushing."

That is comforting on one hand...and totally annoying on the other.  Refer to the first sentence of this post:  I DISLIKE WAITING.  I can easily ask that, if things are this right, why wait???  Why not get started with the greatness that will be the rest of what we've found??

I'm still working on that one....  Advice?  Thoughts?  Share them....please!