Moving On...and Out

Well, it's official....almost.  I'm buying a condo.  I close in 6 days and I have barely started to pack.  I've packed exactly three boxes.  Packing is bullshit.  Why would I take the time to neatly package all my stuff into boxes, tape them shut, label them with which room in the new house they belong in...only to drive them 20 minutes and unpack them to put everything away???  Stupid.

I'm feeling torn about moving.  My new place is so much smaller than where my kids and I have lived for the past 6 years....it's within MY means as opposed to my parents' means.  This will be a learning experience for us all.  I will have to do things I'm not used to being in charge of...and my kids will need to get rid of A LOT of their stuff.  On the flip side....this place....it's mine.  I will own it.  I can do what I want, when I want, how I want. 

This will be a perk in many ways.....

The girls are going to miss living with Nana and Papa....I am not.  While it's nice to see my parents frequently, they are cramping my style now that I actually have a life.  It turns out, now that I'm in a relationship, that I'm living with a 17 year old's rules and restrictions even though I am going to be 35 in a couple months.  If I want to have a "sleepover".... that should be my call.  If I want to stay up late or entertain company...I should be able to without the not-so-discreet call from upstairs - "It's a little loud down there....".  The situation worked for a long time....but it's not working now.  I need this.  My kids need to know that I'm the reigning say-so in their lives.  There is no backup option for getting their way.

Next Thursday, I will write a very large check and become the owner of my own place for the first time in my life.  I've owned a home before....with my ex husband....that's different.  I went to buy kitchen stuff last weekend and it almost crippled me...I had nobody to call to say, "do you like this color?" or, "what do you think about these....?"  It was all up to me.  I failed the test and bought tan everything.  I have no idea what colors I like or what style is "mine"!!!!!  I need this to regain my lost identity.  Buying this home is the last piece in figuring out who I really am and what I want with my life.

Granted, having Boyfriend around is giving me all kinds of new direction and perspective about what I thought I wanted compared to what I now realize I actually want.... Having my own house will allow me the self-respect and self-esteem that only develops from true independence.

Here I go.......!