Monday, August 30, 2010

Summer's End

Well, here comes the end of summer. I didn't get to do all the things I wanted to do with the kids. We didn't go to Valleyfair. We didn't go to the beach. We didn't make it to Illinois to visit my best friend's horse farm. We didn't do the umpteen million art projects that are sitting in the playroom.


We did play outside...a lot. We did go to the zoo. We did have play dates and sleep overs and trips to great-grandma's house and popcorn and movie nights in Mommy's room and trips to the park.

Even though I didn't accomplish everything I planned for this summer, I really think my kids had fun.

We got both wading pools out and put them on the driveway. We jumped through the sprinkler. We got sun tans. We got blonde(r) streaks in our hair from the sunshine. We grew crazy-huge garden plants on our deck (thus making us realize we really need to build an actual garden in the yard next year) and we enjoyed fresh cucumbers and tomatoes that just keep on coming.

I need to cut myself some slack now and then I think. I dream up these grandiose plans and I kick myself regularly when I veer off that road of good intentions....but in the end, what we ended up doing was pretty darn good.

My girls are happy, healthy, and ready to take on this new season of school and change. My Peanut is about busting out of her skin with excitement for school to start. She's my beautiful, crazy-smart, soon-to-be 4th grader with an amazing zest for learning and all things educational. My sweet Goosie turned four years old a couple weeks baby precious, youngest daughter. We toured a pre-school the other day and she all but made me sign a contract in blood when she demanded a promise that she could go "back to that school place another day...soon."

Even though I wish I could do better each day....somewhere, I have to find that peace within myself that reassures me that I did okay today. Their smiles prove it. Their love for their mama proves it. The pictures they draw that depict "the best mama in the whole, wide world" with little stick figures holding hands....prove it.

I'm doing okay. It's not easy...doing this single mom thing. But I'm doing it...and I'm not failing miserably. I have to keep reminding myself of how fantastic my girls are....and then I have to allow myself to let go of the guilt I have for what I can't give make room for the peace of what I can and do give them every day. Part of their awesomesauce comes from me. And that's pretty cool.

My girls and I....we're going to be just fine.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Big Plans

Who has big plans???

I do. Every day, big ambitions go through my head. Some days I succeed in making progress. Most days those big plans remain pipe dreams. What are your big plans? Come on, make them known!!! Public accountability is a powerful thing.

This week:

I plan to cook a healthy supper every night...even if I'm the only one home.

I am going to go to the gym at LEAST once....even if I only walk on the treadmill for 30 minutes.

I WILL go to bed before 10:00pm one night...even if there is something "good" on TV.

I will NOT give my children more than one chance to obey me...even if it means getting up off the couch to prove I'm serious.

I won't stress about my appointment with Unemployment even though I'm totally freaked out and worried they will discontinue my benefits if my answers to their questions aren't "perfect".

I have big plans for this week. I'm taking my kids to a movie in the afternoon. I'm sorting through piles of papers and junk that have been collecting dust for the better part of six months. I'm making a meal plan that will make shopping easier.

There is a good chance that like .5% of this will get done....but I'm good with that. Any progress is a step in the right direction.

You know what they say.....about that road.... You know, the one that's paved with good intentions? Yeah...I travel down that road quite a bit. Well, I've decided that it's time to start appreciating those good intention paving stones and make some permanent stakes here.

In my "About Me" section of this blog, I talk about accountability. Here's where it starts. I've got big plans for my life but those plans have to come to fruition by starting with seeds that I intentionally plant. It's all about purpose...and I fully intend to live my life "on purpose" from now on.