Well, here comes the end of summer. I didn't get to do all the things I wanted to do with the kids. We didn't go to Valleyfair. We didn't go to the beach. We didn't make it to Illinois to visit my best friend's horse farm. We didn't do the umpteen million art projects that are sitting in the playroom.
We did play outside...a lot. We did go to the zoo. We did have play dates and sleep overs and trips to great-grandma's house and popcorn and movie nights in Mommy's room and trips to the park.
Even though I didn't accomplish everything I planned for this summer, I really think my kids had fun.
We got both wading pools out and put them on the driveway. We jumped through the sprinkler. We got sun tans. We got blonde(r) streaks in our hair from the sunshine. We grew crazy-huge garden plants on our deck (thus making us realize we really need to build an actual garden in the yard next year) and we enjoyed fresh cucumbers and tomatoes that just keep on coming.
I need to cut myself some slack now and then I think. I dream up these grandiose plans and I kick myself regularly when I veer off that road of good intentions....but in the end, what we ended up doing was pretty darn good.
My girls are happy, healthy, and ready to take on this new season of school and change. My Peanut is about busting out of her skin with excitement for school to start. She's my beautiful, crazy-smart, soon-to-be 4th grader with an amazing zest for learning and all things educational. My sweet Goosie turned four years old a couple weeks ago....my baby girl....my precious, youngest daughter. We toured a pre-school the other day and she all but made me sign a contract in blood when she demanded a promise that she could go "back to that school place another day...soon."
Even though I wish I could do better each day....somewhere, I have to find that peace within myself that reassures me that I did okay today. Their smiles prove it. Their love for their mama proves it. The pictures they draw that depict "the best mama in the whole, wide world" with little stick figures holding hands....prove it.
I'm doing okay. It's not easy...doing this single mom thing. But I'm doing it...and I'm not failing miserably. I have to keep reminding myself of how fantastic my girls are....and then I have to allow myself to let go of the guilt I have for what I can't give them...to make room for the peace of what I can and do give them every day. Part of their awesomesauce comes from me. And that's pretty cool.
My girls and I....we're going to be just fine.