Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Advice for the Bewildered

At age thirty-three I still do not understand how men think and I’m starting to come to the realization that this is something I may never know.  Remember that man who hugged me in this post?  Well, we are still letting this friendship thing develop slowly but he is a tough character to figure out.  He’s always happy and polite and friendly when I see him but, if I extend any type of offer to get together or hang out, he kind of freezes up.  On the flip side, if I become distant or less communicative, he will all of a sudden be flirtier.

I suppose this could lend cause to the “chase” theory.  Maybe he wants to be the pursuer?  The problem with that is that he never quite pushes forward far enough to make plans with me.  He keeps saying, “We need to go out and do something,” but it never evolves into actual plans.  Then, when I mention that I’m free on a particular night or say, “Hey I don’t have my kids this weekend,” he gets all funny about it. 

I just don’t understand what I should do next.  It seems like the less I do, the more he does…but what he does isn’t going as far as I’m hoping it will go.  The possibility that I’m completely miss-reading this whole thing is absolutely valid.  Maybe he doesn’t go past talking on the phone and casual conversation because he’s afraid it will give me the “wrong idea” about where he wants this to go?  Or maybe, maybe he’s just that shy. Or maybe, he's just content with the way things are right now because of reasons he's already given me and I just need to be more patient...

I’ve never known a guy like him and I don’t want to screw this up.  I’d rather have him as a friend than not at all because he really is that good of a guy…I just can’t figure him out.  And since I value all your opinions like crazy, I have to ask: Any suggestions?  What do I do?


  1. I've been that guy in the EXACT same situation more than once (twice), and it took a bit of a shove. When I say exact, I mean exact. Kid's gone for the weekend, etc... Sometimes if you don't spell it out clearly, you'll never know. I know, sounds stupid. But that's how some of our minds work sometimes. It can be clear as day to us AFTER it's mentioned. If you're not up front with him, odds are you'll never know in my opinion. Good luck!

  2. Thanks so much Griff... Actually, I probably should have mentioned that I HAVE flat out told him I'm interested. He is in a place right now where he doesn't feel he has much to offer in a relationship so we agreed to get to know each other as friends and let whatever happens happen. It's just getting to that point where we are hanging out socially outside of the place I normally see him that I'm struggling with. He won't commit to actual plans and I can't figure out why. He was very honest and up-front about everything when we talked about it...but his actions aren't matching up with what he said...

  3. Shit... that's not good. I'm just guessing, but it sounds like this guy is either trying to work his way into a friends with benefits situation or possibly not interested enough to commit. Or both?
    Wait, do I know you? lol. Kidding. Seriously though, I'm not proud to say it but in all honesty I've done it in my past. And no, I never committed to the relationship. But I do have a very good friend still who I'm talking to via e-mail as I type this.
    I'm not sure of the timeline of everything here, but I'm guessing the guy needs another shove and if that doesn't take... move on. He's not going to suddenly come running. Something in his head has kept him from committing to this point.

  4. Thanks for the honesty...all of those things have gone through my mind too. You could absolutely be right...however...the things he told me sounded very sincere and I left it WIDE OPEN for him to say a flat NO with an easy-out...and he didn't. That's what I keep coming back to. He could have had such an easy out but he didn't take it. Does that make sense?

  5. It does, but maybe he's the kind that likes to always keep his options open and will never give that outright 'no' to you. It's a slippery slope I tell you. If you're willing to be patient, wait longer but at some point you may get upset and/or resent him for it. Go with your heart, just maybe slightly more aggressively :)

  6. Haha...yeah, I have a plan for something low-pressure that I'm working on. If it doesn't pan out, I'll probably back off a bit. At least for awhile. :) Thanks.